I have an obsession...I am not proud of it...I don't like to admit it but it's true. My obsession is food. It drives me crazy, but I can't stop thinking about and not usually in a good way. I have thumbed my nose at people who are obsessed with another person, or shopping, or even the dangerous obsessions with drugs or alcohol. I've given myself an excuse that MY obsession is better than all of those, but it's not, it is still an obsession and it can also be a dangerous one.
In the "good" days of this obsession it is about the excitement of my next "fix". I love to try new foods, go to a new restaurant, bake a delicious new dessert from my new favorite recipe book or enjoy my old favorite "comfort" food. I am not a fussy person when it comes to the type of food. I will try almost anything, any place, anytime, just once. Those are the good days.
On my bad days, my obsession can bring me to my knees. I'll crave the terrible foods that give me heartburn or clog my arteries. I'll eat until I feel like I can barely move. I will keep eating meal after snack and chug practically a gallon of sugary soda or fruit drink and the problem continues to compound. I will catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and remember what years of this obsession has done to my body and get angry or breakdown in tears.
And being a wife and a mom I have the responsibility of being the chief meal preparer and ADDS to my obsession and the inevitable questions and comments about what are we going to have, what time are we going to eat, where shall we go out to eat and if we do can we agree on where to go, or do I have to eat THAT?
It's an obsession that I can't avoid! I have to eat! We all have to eat and have food to survive! But why can't I get a handle on this obsession? How does the skinny person in the office next to me at work stay so skinny? And then it gets so complicated in my mind that, instead of digging in and conquering this, I give up. I give in. I go out and get something that I shouldn't. And the next day I wake up and do this all over again.
So where do I go from here? Is there rehab for food? I guess that would be a gym or Jenny Craig, but for me it all comes down to ME, I believe. I want this to be a healthy relationship. I want to respect myself and my body to take care of it and do right by it. I certainly don't have any concrete answers yet, but I am working on it. I guess the first step is admitting you have a problem. So that is what I am doing...
My name is Becki and I am obsessed with food.
